The McLachlan Grope

When Lilith's fair Lady is good, shes very, very good. But when she is bad, she's better.

(Details Magazine January 1998. Page 45. Photo of a very sexy, voluptuous Sarah)

A FRIEND OF MINE COULD ONLY DESCRIBE YOU AS UNICORNY --AND SHE'S A FAN. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR PERSONA IS?
Oh, you know --Sarah McLachlan, the ethereal, poetic, waiflike fairy who burns incense, reads poetry all day, and lives in a fucking tree. I mean, I am sensitive and I do have wind chimes and a hot tub and I am into homeopathic medicines and herbs, but I also like a good scotch sometimes.

SO SOMETIMES YOU LISTEN TO WIND CHIMES IN YOUR HOT TUB WITH A SCOTCH?
Yeah --but I draw the line at the cigar business. I think they're disgusting.

NOT TO MENTION PENIS SUBSTITUTES. Not as tasty. I'm obsessed with penises. When I was a kid I used to have all these floating-image dreams of bananas in little Chippendales outfits --isnt that funny? -- and then latter I had this wonderful dream that I was this gay man and I had this beautiful Chinese robe on, and my robe opened up and I had these huge erect penises. It was amazing --double ejaculation!

WHY DON'T YOU PUT THIS SEX STUFF IN YOUR SONGS?
I don't really, do I? Well, penises don't anger or sadden me, you know? I dont have any negative thoughts about them, I just enjoy them a lot --so it doesn't enter the picture.

SO TELL ME --DO YOU SPIT OR SWALLOW?
Swallow. Definitely swallow.

HOW ROMANTIC.
(laughs) I'm completely sucked in by beauty and romance -- it's pathetic. But I also love the underbelly, the beauty in ugliness. My favorite artist are people like the photographer Joel-Peter Witkin, the painter Egon Schiele, and the war poet Wilfred Owen.

BEAUTY IN UGLINESS. ISNT IT IRONIC THAT AS A CHILD IN HALIFAX YOU WERE CONSIDERED SO UGLY THAT KIDS NICKNAMED YOU MEDUSA?
I felt totally Wiener Dog -- I mean, my teeth were so bad that I had to wear retainers for two years to straighten them out enough to even put braces on them. (laughs) Medusa started sixth grade when I had long curly hair; and me and an acquaintance of mine showed each other our breast --well, she had breast, I had nothing. Anyway, one of my evil girlfriends --which was the only kind of friend I had at the time -- told everyone that I was a lesbian, and from then on everybody in school hated me. I mean, I couldn't get laid for miles -- boys use to see me and fall on the ground and writhe and scream that they were turning to stone. The first time, I cried; the fiftieth time, it was like, get over yourself.

OKAY, SO WERE YOU A LESBIAN?
I wasn't really, but I've always been open to the falling in love with a woman. I've had crushes on them and I've kissed my fair share, lemme tell ya, but that's as far as I've gone.

NEVER TO THE BEDROOM?
No, though there was a broom closet one time with a cute little bartender in Boston.

I ASSUME THAT WAS BEFORE YOU MARRIED YOUR DRUMMER, ASHWIN SOOD. WAS YOUR BAND COMPLETELY APPALLED?
Nope, they were like, oh here she goes again, cause I was with the keyboard player before that. (laughs) One misogynistic dog of a DJ in Vancouver said I was fucking my way through the band, but hey, I didnt mean for it to happen. Its just that I'm not the kind of person to deny myself things that when they are very strong and in my face. (belches) Excuse me.

YOU'RE EXCUSED. IF YOU WERE A SPICE GIRL, WHAT WOULD YOUR NICKNAME BE?
Smelly Spice. I fart a lot.

SPEAKING OF GIRL POWER, DID THE CRITICISM OF YOUR CREATION, THE LILITH FAIR TOUR, BOTHER YOU?
It could have been more diverse --some saw it as a white-chick folk tour; which it kinda became -- but it was our first year: It would have been cool to have, lets say, Hole or L7, but people who like me probably dont like Hole, and people who like Hole probably cant stand me. What I say to people who say negative stuff is Fuck off --you try to pull off something like this.

WHAT ELSE MAKES YOU ANGRY?
Violence more than anything else. I get most disgusted with people who hurt children or beat other people up.

SO WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF AN ARTIST LIKE MARILYN MANSON, WHO TRAFFICS IN VIOLENCE?
Does he, though? See, I think the Devil has gotten a bad rap. The Devil is the fallen angel, the one who was willing to embrace his dark side, whereas all the other angels were in total denial. The Devil is more like us --were all the Devil and were all God. So maybe me and Marilyn Manson should get together and have a conversation.

Interview by Brantly Bardin